Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
