I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
