I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
