Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
