there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
...so i touched it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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