fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
3pm strippers are depressing
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
