He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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