these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
