im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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