hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
