this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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