i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
