nut hugger
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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