We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
