Just mADE A PArabola og urine
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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