i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
