I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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