They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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