You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
