I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
