then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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