you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
