Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
