wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
did i walk over a car last night?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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