I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
