So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
