sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
