you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
