Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
As shirtless as possible
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
