I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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