I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
