Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
