Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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