well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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