So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
