Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
two words: eviction party
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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