Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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