I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
