T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
