he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
