You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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