I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
