It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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