he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
