Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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