So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
