I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Pooping to opera.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
