having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
ugly people sure do ruin things
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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