this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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