fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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