so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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