I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
